Before I caved and got Netflix, I spent years acquiring DVDs.

Cheap, used DVDs.

If I heard a rumor that a movie was great, I bought it. If I heard it was terrible, I bought it.

If a friend with absolutely terrible taste hated it—I definitely bought it.

If I needed 5 titles to qualify for the "5 for $15" deal—I scooped those up by the armload.

And this meant that I was bringing home more movies than I had time to watch. Pretty soon, I owned 200 DVDs that I'd never even opened.

I'm finally on a program to fix that, one movie at a time... and as a result, the internet has finally gained a series of unprofessional movie reviews.

 
 Click this theater to learn about the 2006 horror movie  Crazy Eights . Warning: this review is full of spoilers, really more of a recap. CAVEAT READOR.

Click this theater to learn about the 2006 horror movie Crazy Eights. Warning: this review is full of spoilers, really more of a recap. CAVEAT READOR.

  The Amazing Mr. X  (1948) is one of the first movies I reviewed, again more of a spoiler-filled recap. But you were never going to watch  Mr. X , so don't pretend you're upset.

The Amazing Mr. X (1948) is one of the first movies I reviewed, again more of a spoiler-filled recap. But you were never going to watch Mr. X, so don't pretend you're upset.

 I finally watched  Bend It Like Beckham  during the 2014 World Cup. Synergy! You probably watched it years earlier like a normal person.

I finally watched Bend It Like Beckham during the 2014 World Cup. Synergy! You probably watched it years earlier like a normal person.

 Choose this theater if you want to know my stupid opinion on  Baghead . Did I love it? Nope. Is it likeable? Maybe, but I was not in the mood for likeable.

Choose this theater if you want to know my stupid opinion on Baghead. Did I love it? Nope. Is it likeable? Maybe, but I was not in the mood for likeable.

 Take a seat in this dump for my reaction to  The Exorcism of Emily Rose . By now I've learned to stop including spoilers. But warning: that doesn't improve things.

Take a seat in this dump for my reaction to The Exorcism of Emily Rose. By now I've learned to stop including spoilers. But warning: that doesn't improve things.

 Click any seat in this theater to be whisked to a semi-complete index of all the reviews, and the games that picked them! (The index automatically updates, but it drops older entries like  Crazy Eights  and  Mr X. )

Click any seat in this theater to be whisked to a semi-complete index of all the reviews, and the games that picked them! (The index automatically updates, but it drops older entries like Crazy Eights and Mr X.)