I'm not sure how many times exactly, because they were all in the back.

It all started when Monday I got out of my car and could barely stand. My lower back just did not want to support the weight of my torso. Or any weight?  I think even in space I would have had a hard time.  It felt like there was a balloon inside the base of my spine, inflated with pain. A balloon animal of hurt.  Anyway standing up took at least half a minute, and then I could walk with the shuffle of a 90-year-old man.  I tried to view it as a kind of time travel: How lucky am I to see what life will be like in 2066!  But looking on the bright side only took me so far, so I made an appointment with an acupuncturist.

I never did acupuncture before, but their website said it's good for the lower back.  So let's try.

It happened this morning, and I feel pretty good!  With a minimal amount of bleeding.  (No bleeding.)  She also put all these stickers on my back for something called color therapy, whereby the frequency of certain colors under the stickers will cancel out the frequency of pain! (I know, but let's find out.)  And I'm supposed to not sit on couches or drink coffee for two weeks.

Couches, fine.  I own chairs.  But I fear this coffee ban.  I fear it.